The DeGRAFF FREE WILL BAPTIST CHURCH
State Route 235/ 100 East Miami Street
DeGraff, Ohio 43318
Phone: (937) 585-4463
James R. Roby, Pastor
“CHRISTIAN DATING”
James R. Roby, Pastor
The young person’s desire to date is both normal and natural. It would be a bad idea for people to suddenly get married without first getting to know each other or without being mutually attracted. A time of getting acquainted and winning the love of one another is sensible and right. However, the common thinking of our day... that intimate necking, petting, kissing, fondling and “making out” is what dating is about... is dangerous and wrong. Actually, such physical involvement is certain to destroy the very purpose and good effects of dating. It goes without saying that Christian young people ought to approach dating from an entirely different perspective than lost people do.
CHRISTIAN DATING SHOULD
INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING THINGS:
1. BEING TOGETHER. One of the purposes of dating is to spend time together to get well acquainted and to see if you enjoy one another’s company. This “togetherness” should avoid situations that would lead to temptation. A lot of time alone together is just asking for trouble. Research shows that the first act of sex most often occurs in one of the couple’s homes when their parents are away. Parking in a car is another situation to avoid. Being together is always wisest when other people are in the vicinity.
2. TALK TO EACH OTHER. This should certainly include light conversation that is fun and care free. Couples who are constantly fighting or pouting should forget about each other and “move on.” Some serious talk should be included as well. No one would want to have a relationship (or later marry) without knowing their partner’s convictions, ideas about life, ambitions, and beliefs. One of the dangers of intimate behavior (kissing, petting, etc.) is that it shuts down conversation and preoccupies young people with the physical and fleshly rather than the spiritual and mental.
3. THERE SHOULD BE LETTERS WRITTEN. You can learn a lot about another person by the way they write and communicate in letters. The handwriting, spelling, language they use, the ways of expressing thoughts, etc. all reveal things about the writer that casual acquaintance and conversation cannot show. Letters and notes should always be decent and pure so that they will not, if ever made public, cause shame and embarrassment.
4. THERE SHOULD NOT BE TOO MUCH PHYSICAL CONTACT. Young Christian men and women who are dating should never “hang all over” each other. A little hand holding, a girl’s hand upon her date’s arm while walking, the boy helping the girl across a muddy or difficult walking place...these kinds of physical contact are enough for dating. When young people have learned to love one another and have definitely committed themselves to marriage and a life partnership, a good night kiss and perhaps an occasional hug and kiss should be permitted...but there should yet be RESTRAINT and MODESTY.
A wrong environment, dancing, indecent dress, and being alone together all lead young dating couples down the wrong path.
It is well to remember that sex is a wonderful gift from God...a gift that is to be enjoyed between a husband and his wife EXCLUSIVELY. Unmarried people should NEVER participate in any form of sexual activity. Just as an alcoholic might drink one glass of beer and then be absolutely unable to control his desire until he is dead drunk, so men and women who incite sexual feelings are likely to find themselves swept off of their feet and unable to stop. God created sex for our happiness and our good. It is meant to be enjoyed between a husband and wife in mutual love and devotion throughout their married lives. It is meant to result in happy families and dearly loved children. But Satan would attempt to pervert God’s gift and destroy the blessedness of it. Sexual activity, therefore, should be guarded and reserved for the marriage relationship. “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.” (Hebrews 13:4).
Any sexual activity before marriage tends to pervert the sex drive and ruin the enjoyment that God intended for the husband and wife. Fulfillment in a normal relationship will be impossible. No man, after he has examined the bodies of other girls or women, has kissed and taken liberties with them, can then get married and come to his wife with the same holy awe and joy that a pure and clean heart can bring. Neither can he enjoy his wife as he should if he knows that she has been hugged, kissed and handled by other men. Any sexual activity before marriage tends to make that future marriage insecure and weak. Trust is surrendered and married life becomes miserable. Many end up divorced because they have ignored God’s commandment and have later found that their sin has cost them the sweetness, purity and joy that God intended. The early experiences of married life ought to bind a husband and wife together forever in love and respect. They ought to grow, over the years, to feel that they were made for each other and that each holds a special and sacred place in the heart of the other. “That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel (body) in sanctification and honor; not in the lust of concupiscence (unholy desires), even as the Gentiles which know not God.” (1 Thessalonians 4:4-5). “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” (2 Timothy 2:22).
5. DATE ONLY CHRISTIANS WHO HAVE THE SAME CONVICTIONS THAT YOU DO. “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (2 Corinthians 6:14). You always run the risk of falling in love with the person you are dating, and so it is wise to only go out on dates with other consecrated believers. Many have married thinking that they will “reform” their mate later. This reasoning usually leads to heartbreak and disappointment. It would be best to hold out for the right kind of person than to risk being influenced away from the things of God.
SOME IDEAS ABOUT DATING AND AVOIDING SIN:
1.) Matthew 7:12 “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them” When a dating couple kiss, caress and arouse sexual passion, they take a wrong road that ultimately leads to fornication. They should remember that there will be many other people hurt deeply by their activities. The person involved in wrong sexual behavior has a Dad and Mom who love them dearly, and they would be deeply grieved and wounded if they knew that their child was being led near the brink of adultery. When you have children of your own someday, will you want them to be treated as you are treating your date? If you would not like for your son or daughter to be fondled and led astray, then do not treat your date that way! The person that you date will probably be married someday. There is, somewhere, someone who will become their husband or wife. How will they feel if they learn that you have taken liberties with their spouse? How do you feel yourself about the one that you hope to marry? Would you just as soon they came to you second-hand after others have hugged and kissed them and mistreated them sexually? Every young person reading this article would prefer to have a marriage partner who is a virgin... one who has saved themselves especially for you. You should, therefore, treat any date exactly as you would want your future spouse treated.
2.) 1 Timothy 4:12 says, "Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” Young Christians are to be examples in purity! You have a responsibility to those around you. If your example would lead others to do wrong, then you have sinned against God. Do not be the one who leads someone else into sexual sin. Your dating life should be an example of purity and Godly Christianity. Everything you do on a date should glorify God. (1 Corinthians 10:31).
3.) 1 Corinthians 6:13-20 warns that “The body is not for fornication, but for the Lord...that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you... and ye are not your own. For ye are bought with a price: Therefore glorify God in your body” The Christian young person has a special reason to be careful not to misuse his body. He is the temple of the Holy Ghost. He belongs to God because Jesus Christ died on the cross to purchase his salvation. He is not his own, but is bought with the precious blood of the Lamb.
In your dating life, if you will do things God’s way...YOU WILL NEVER BE SORRY!
