Marital Contentment
By Stacy McDonald
"Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned,
in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. I know
both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: everywhere
and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be
hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do
all things through Christ which strengtheneth me."
Contentment is a great treasure. It comes from a quiet knowledge and understanding of the sovereignty of God. It is a gift given by the Lord to those that are walking in obedience to Christ. Why is it then, that so many of us struggle with staying content? I have found three main reasons that we lose this most important ability. One, we do not trust the Lord in all things. We allow Satan to whisper lies to us about God's character and intentions toward us. We wonder if God is noticing our circumstances or if somehow we've been overlooked. Yes, God is sovereign, omniscient, omnipresent and awesome, but in our deception, we wonder if maybe, just maybe God doesn't realize how much we're suffering or in our "special" circumstance, maybe he's not even being "fair!"
If you are a parent, you have seen a beautiful picture of contentment in the form of a sleeping infant. The only sound you hear coming from that little one is the small contented sighs of a peaceful rest. (At least while she's asleep!) She doesn't lay awake worrying whether or not you're going to feed her the next day. She doesn't fret over where she will sleep the next night or who will change her diaper in the morning. She trusts you. (1 Timothy 6:8) She is confident in the fact that Mommy has always taken care of her and has no doubt that she always will. She has the ability to be peaceful and content because she trusts you in all things. If we, as imperfect mothers, know how to care for our little ones and want what is best for them, how much more should we trust our Heavenly Father? Does he not have our ultimate good in mind?
"If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts
unto your children: how much more shall your
heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?"
The second and third reasons that we tend to lose our contentment is because we do not remain thankful to God for what He has given us which causes us to look lustfully at what God has not intended for us to have. We take our eyes off of our blessings and lay them on other people's blessings. We begin to listen to the deceiver again (just as Eve did) and wonder if there isn't something better that God is keeping from us. If you are married, then God has given you a husband that is to be your head. He is YOUR protector, YOUR teacher, YOUR leader, YOUR provider and YOUR lover. You are not to look at the godly husband of your best friend and wonder why your husband doesn't lead that way, pray that way, treat you that way or preach that way. God knows your needs and you can be sure He is working on you through your husband. Do you thank God every day for the wonderful gift of your husband? Does it please you to submit to your own husband as unto the Lord? Do you find joy in the oneness that God has created in the husband-wife relationship? If you don't, you can be certain that your husband is painfully aware of it and you will see the fruit of your discontent in his ability to lead.
The interesting thing about contentment is that it opens our eyes to the blessings around us. Discontent blinds and deceives us. When we are discontent in our marriage we will see every tiny character flaw that our husband possesses and even those that he does not possess! We will become irritated at his slightest shortcomings and will be blind to his gifts and abilities. We will find ourselves comparing our husbands with other men and our discontent and unthankful attitudes will grow. We may even begin to believe that we would make better leaders than our husbands and start to act in that regard. If this is happening to you, then be assured that you have become deceived by your discontent. When we are thankful to God for our husbands and content in our marriage, our eyes are actually opened to the wonderful qualities in our husbands that even other people won't notice! We will be filled with the joy of knowing that God has blessed us right where we are.
I like this quote from Matthew Henry's Commentary on Luke 3:14: "It is a rule to all servants that they be content with their wages; for they that indulge themselves in discontents expose themselves to many temptations, and it is wisdom to make the best of that which is."
I have never heard of a woman who fell into adultery because of sexual lust. It has always been from discontent. Her husband did not "meet her needs" so Satan brought someone who promised fulfillment. She took her eyes off of what God gave her and placed them on what God did not have for her. It is a simple deception that dates backs to the Garden, and a perfect example of the dangers of discontent.
It is also true that without the Holy Spirit of God it is impossible to be content no matter what or how much we have. We will always want more or better. Here is a quote from Matthew Henry's Commentary on Hebrews 13:5 "We must bring our minds to our present condition, and this is the sure way to contentment; and those who cannot do it would not be contented though God should raise their condition to their minds, for the mind would rise with the condition. Haman was the great court-favourite, and yet not contented-- Ahab on the throne, and yet not contented-- Adam in paradise, and yet not contented; yea, the angels in heaven, and yet not contented; but Paul, though abased and empty, had learned in every state, in any state, therewith to be content."
Our society is a perfect example of this. It is the sinful nature of man to be discontent, to be unthankful and selfish. Shouldn't we, being freed from the bondage of sin through Christ Jesus, walk in contentment, thankfulness and selflessness? Let us be content in our marriages dear sisters and be a blessing to our husbands. Let us be thankful for what God has provided for us and avoid the traps of the Deceiver. "Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Hebrews 13:5
CHALLENGE: Spend ten minutes each morning this week thanking God for your husband. Repent of any discontent that has hardened your heart toward him. Be specific in your prayers. Ask God to bring to mind all of the good qualities that your husband possesses. Start to make a list and make a habit of thanking your husband out loud for things that he does for you. If he is a hard worker and provides for you and the family, let him know how much you appreciate it. Remember the little things matter. It will boost his confidence in his leadership as a husband if he knows you are noticing his efforts and respecting his headship.
